Cunniculi Illecebrosi
by Rainchild
Summary: It's the end of the war. Written on a challenge. May be considered to be in bad taste. (oops)


**Title:** _Cunniculi Illecebrosi_   
**Author name:** Rainchild   
**Author email:** rainchild_ai @ yahoo.com   
**Date**: May 26, 2003   
**Category:** Humor, General   
**Rating**: PG-13   
**Summary:** It's the end of the war. Written on a challenge. May be considered in bad taste. (oops)   
**Author's Notes:** Entirely sillykatums fault.   
**DISCLAIMER:** Contrary to popular belief, I am not JK Rowling in disguise. I do not own Harry Potter, his world, or any of the character therein. They all belong to JK Rowling and various publishing/movie-making companies.   


~*^*~

  


     "Harry!" Hermione exclaimed as she came careening down the halls of Hogwarts. "I've found it." 

    "Finally?" Harry asked, relief and eagerness apparent on his face. 

    "Well, it was a rather old and obscure spell. Not surprising, considering. I didn't expect it would be so easy to find, actually," Hermione explained. 

    Harry bowed his head. "Dumbledore never expected us to need to find it on our own." 

    Hermione looked at Harry, concern evident in her eyes. "You underestimate him, Harry. He knew the risks, what it would cost him. Besides, I'm almost positive Dumbledore left the reference in his journal deliberately for us, in case anything happened to him." 

    Harry conceded. As the deep sound of war-spells hitting the defense shields reverberated through the castle walls, Harry looked up to meet Hermione's gaze with a shy smile. "This-" Harry said, gesturing all around him. "This will all be over soon." 

    Hermione matched Harry's smile, nodding eagerly. 

    "Have you told Ron yet?" 

    Hermione's smile broadened as she shook her head. 

    "Well, let's go tell him the good news." Harry set off enthusiastically down the Hogwarts corridors.   


~*^*~  


    "Alright, Harry, repeat after me: _Cunniculi Illecebrosi_," Hermione instructed. 

    "_Cunniculi Illecebrosi_," Harry intoned. "What's it mean, Hermione?" 

    Hermione glanced up, apologetic. "I have no way of knowing. The library was one of the first things to go when the siege began, before we could get the shield up. Thank goodness Dumbledore had his own collection, or we wouldn't even have this spell." Hermione continued on, muttering to herself, "I can't believe I didn't have my own Latin dictionary. What _was_ I _thinking_?" 

    Harry cleared his throat. "Hermione?" 

    "Oh, right. Now move your wand to form two humps and then the bottom half of a circle," Hermione demonstrated. 

    "Alright," Harry said, imitating her. "Now, together?" 

    "You'd better not. We have no way of knowing what the spell could do. You might end up hurting one of us," Hermione replied. 

    "What _do_ we know about this spell?" Harry questioned. 

    "Not much," Hermione admitted. "Just that it will take advantage of Voldemort's greatest weakness. That's what Dumbledore said in his journal." 

    "Okay, so, _Cunniculi Illecebrosi_ with two humps and a circle of the wand. Doesn't that seem... easy?" 

    "That's the thing... Harry..." Hermione composed herself and tried again. "I'll be honest with you. I have no way of knowing it'll work. It does seem too easy. But it's the only lead we've had. We can't go on like this forever." 

    "And even if it doesn't work, Voldemort will release Hogwarts once I'm gone," Harry continued for Hermione. 

    "Don't say that," Hermione chastised, eyes glistening. 

    Harry shrugged. "I'm as ready as I'll ever be." 

    Hermione took several deep breaths. "I'll get McGonagall."   


~*^*~  


    Headmaster McGonagall stepped through Hogwarts' doors and onto the castle's front lawn. She pointed her wand at her neck and whispered, "_Sonorus_." Then she took another step forward. 

    "I seek an audience with Voldemort." 

    As McGonagall's voice boomed throughout the grounds, the spell-bombs instantly ceased and a murmur spread through the collected Death Eaters. Silence reigned again when a hooded figure made its way to the front of the mass. 

    "Do you grow weary, hiding in your crumbling castle, holding on to outdated ideals?" 

    McGonagall kept her face neutral. "Hogwarts' resources diminish by the day. We wish to negotiate for an end to the siege." 

    "You will turn over the boy to me?" 

    "We are prepared to give you Harry Potter." A gasp went through the Death Eaters. 

    Conceit was evident in Voldemort's voice. "Bring him to me, and you will gain your freedom." 

    McGonagall nodded once and began to make her way back to the castle.   


~*^*~  


    Just inside the entryway, Harry stood, enveloped by Hermione's hug. 

    "It'll work," she whispered into his ear. 

    "I trust you," Harry reassured as he returned her hug. 

    Releasing Hermione, Harry turned to Ron. Tears glistened in his eyes. Ron started to speak, shook his head, and hugged Harry as well. 

    McGonagall stepped inside nodding to Harry with a tight smile. Harry collected himself and stepped outside to face his mortal enemy.   


~*^*~  


    Harry made his way slowly across the lawn and then out of the protection of the shield surrounding Hogwarts. Instantly, the crowd of Death Eaters seized him. 

    "Are you too cowardly to fight me?" Harry called out to the dark figure ahead, who was watching the proceedings calmly. The surrounding Death Eaters hesitated, looking to their leader for guidance. 

    Voldemort was no fool. He would know that he must fight The Boy Who Lived so as not to loose face in front of his followers. He would also know Harry Potter had manipulated the situation so that this was the case, but he would not be able to figure out what Harry Potter hoped to gain by this. 

    "I challenge you to a duel!" Harry continued. 

    "Very well," Voldemort agreed, cautious but confident in his superior powers. 

    A hand signal to the Death Eaters, and they released their prisoner, returning his wand and moving to form a circle that enclosed Voldemort and The Boy Who Lived. 

    Harry struggled to push back the memories their actions brought back as he raised his wand. There was no time for games and formalities now, and Harry did not want a repeat of the last time they had dueled. Voldemort understood this as well and opened his mouth to finish Harry Potter off. 

    But before Voldemort could complete the _Avada Kedavra_, Harry managed to mutter, "_Cunniculi Illecebrosi_." Harry held his breath in anticipation... 

    Several bunny rabbits appeared surrounding Voldemort. 

    Harry gasped in surprise and closed his eyes, waiting for the spell that would finally kill the great Harry Potter. Harry braced himself for the words he had known since childhood, for that familiar green. _I can't believe Hermione was wrong. I can't believe she let me down._

    Harry's thoughts were interrupted by a squeal. "Bunny rabbits!" 

    Harry opened his eyes in wonder to find Voldemort kneeling on the ground, wand forgotten at his side. He had picked up one of the rabbits, a brown floppy-eared one, and was stroking it tenderly. 

    "Yes, my precious," he said lustfully. 

    "Um," said Harry, not quite sure what to do. "_Avada Kedavra_?" 

    Voldemort fell to the ground, almost crushing several bunny rabbits on his way down. 

    The brown bunny hoped a few feet away from the body. 

    Harry blinked. 

    And then blinked again.   


~*^*~  


    Two grumpy old men _and_ an equally old and equally grumpy woman sat around a fire, reminiscing about the good ol' days, as people of their age are apt to do. 

    "Yes, yes, that was a good one," the man with laugh wrinkles around his eyes said, his chuckles turning to coughs. 

    "Did you ever find out what the spell meant?" his companion asked, the one with the serious eyes and the scar. 

    They all knew the answer, but the old woman, she had been beautiful once, indulged him, as she had for many years now. "Yes, it's Latin for _sexy rabbits_." When she was younger she had blushed, but now she simply laughed with the rest of them. 

    "Voldemort's greatest weakness, eh?" said the one with the laugh wrinkles. 


End file.
